At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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