I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
