woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
