He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
