I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
