I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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