True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have feelings that need drinking.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
