The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
