Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
