I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
