i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
