...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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