you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
