her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
