did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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