In the future we'll all be gay
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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