i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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