maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
