I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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