Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
