he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
