i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Text me some of your sweat
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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