I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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