he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
