I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
