We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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