pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
