i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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