Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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