Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
