best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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