My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
