it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I AM VODKA MAN
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
