Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
