I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
