My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I pour the whiskey from now on
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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