Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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