Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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