Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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