so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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