Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
