I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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