now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
