It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
