and you said cock pushups were impossible
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
