I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
