I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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