Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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