I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
