It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
