I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
