I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think people are normalizing furries
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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